Thursday, February 18, 2010

Lol.. 30% of my thoughts now

In quite a dilemma whether to apply for university or not. I am definately fine with continuing school. But what bothers me is the expensive school fees. I do not want to laden my father ith more then enough money burden (tho i m).
I have decided then, that i shld take up part-time job. taking art commissionsis not enough. will need to find other means... totor, sales, lab wrk,etc as long as can juggle along with my studies. Urgh, i am annoyed at e uni for making the admission application dates
its like during our exam period.
Oh c'mon lah, we poly students nd to study ar. And the JC ppl get the period in March. I mean thats its gd lah letting teh poly ppl decide 1st, but... can give longer time?
other months have 31 days leh =O
Haiz, so must only fill up 5 programme choice. and i have only 1 in mind.So, what about the other 4?
Ikd. OTL
If i put in art (*____*) then my mother says quite pointless, cos i already Dip sci related stuff.
The other options are;
1) Engineering (Really, i have no interest at all in engineering)
2) Humanities (Ah.. i have interest. But not sci related too. Mayb i take Psychology or sociology *_* Always dreamt of this besides arts and litreature)
3) Communication studies(No way)
4) Art (objection from family T___T)

And so.. i guess i have to think quick and decide rigth fast. Damn, my poly results quite bad lah so far. Hope they still accept for 1st choice
and the transcript i requested for wil only be porcessed aft CNY holidays. Dammit lah, so fucking slow. Applying for both nus and ntu just in case.

and.. i admit that i do not place any hope (Lol) to get a place. I mean, look at my pathetic GPA! OTL ahz~
and it is very depressing that mt mother kept pestering me to apply all uni until i get a place. and she kept comparing me with her friends' children who are alrady in a unim and they are the top 5 students in poly and uni etc etc~
Homg, im like so down everytime i am at home. But i cannot be free and flap ard until exam ends. Hmm... so, right now can only cry self to sleep lah (lol!)
This is exactly how my O levels life was like. The leash tighten so tight that i began to get anti-social and people hate me naturally bcos of my 'contract' with my parents. Of cos nobody wld care or it ok =D
So i tend to try and laugh and find humor in everything, to cover up m despair. I dont know, but either way, i will still be hated ;D Bwhahaha =w=

Its alright.
'Burdens are fine, so long people cant see them on you' yeah thats my primary school self motto.
'Absorb,deal and live with it' its my sec schools self motto.
'Its pre-destined. Dont question' my current self motto.

And nobody lives a problem-less live you know. I am sure YOU have yours too. =)
so its ok.

Urgh, i told my mother that i wantto go to NAFA ro Lsle. But she wont allow cos art based qualification hard to find good sustaining job. Thats 1 reason why i took sci course. the other reason is, that i just want to keep as a hobby/ passion. So, i took sci which is my 2nd worst subject.
Lets see... when i was young, i practically want to be everything, so...see! No aim in life! Idk what o even wana achieve! OTL
And now, when i took science, she not happy my grades sux. and im still longing to take art. No.. i cant do that. haiz. Cmon already. Kill me and screw up my life~
Now she is telling my sibling, to study hard, dont be like me... later in lif dont know what to do.. so young must work already.
Im like going to burst already lah inside... T____T ouch man. That hurts =(
Grrrr... a little angry and sad.... (whatever my feeling, always got at least a pinch of sadness .___.)

If i had taken NAFA or Art diploma, i think i might get better result.. or maybe will b the same idk. U___U
but art is like something i can do with one eys... but sci ar... umm i must summon all my eye from my Claudes. TnT

Haiz. I have a lot to say, but it is not coming out smoothly in words.
and to add on to existing troubles, got MORE.

and this stupid migrane since before cny holidays. grr i cant concentrate at all!

-sob and screw you life-

Macross Frontier OST